SPRINGFIELD, MASS., April 1, 2005 -- A major new chapter in the history of the English language began today, with the entry of "nucular" in the Merriam-Webster's Dictionary, Thirteenth Edition. President George W. Bush was on hand for a brief ceremony to mark the occasion.

Hefting a copy of the dictionary, the president said, "This is a great book. I gotta get me one of them." The president spoke before a group of 820 disheartened academicians.

"America's best-selling dictionary sets a new standard by formalizing the American language the way Americans speak it," Mr. Bush said, "thus spreading democracy and freedom around the world."

"To reduce our dependence on foreign oil, we need to promote safe, clean nucular power," the president said. "Without nucular power plants, terrorists will be left with no choice but to threaten our homes and businesses. A secure energy future must include nucular power."

"We know from this dictionary that freedom, by definition, must be chosen, and that our security increasingly depends on the hope and progress of other nations now simmering in despair and resentment. And that hope and progress is not found in the same advance of freedom."

"Americans, of all people, should not be surprised by freedom's power. A free nation founded on safe, clean nucular power should not be surprised when other people claim rights to that power. Developing nations who place their hope in nucular power will ultimately be disappointed, because freedom and power are the privileges of being American."

Happy April Fool's Day from Energy Priorities Magazine.